Short Story

HEALING RAIN

            I woke up with a feeling of despair. Last nights incident still lingered like a stain on my mind, I couldn't change the facts. How could I have been so stupid? Why did I say those things to him? He doesn't care if I miss him. He doesn't care if I wonder about life. He doesn't care if I don't know how to live with out him. He doesn't care if I'll never be able to look into his eyes again. Keeping my mouth shut would have been a smart idea, intelligence is something I lack.

            As I walked out to the car, I noticed the rain. I love rain. Rain puts thoughts in my head. Thoughts of hope. Thoughts of Joy. Most people are depressed by the rain, there must be something wrong with me. I feel like running. Running far away from the world. Away from myself. How do you run away from yourself? Is it even possible? Change. Change is the answer. Changing yourself is running away from yourself. Is change what I want? Silly me, what am I thinking. HE is the one who called it off. HE is the one who found someone new. HE is the one who broke you. Why do you have to change?

            School wasn't that great. Walking through the halls felt as if the world was passing by me in with a whirlwind of emotion. Keeping a smile on my face was pointless. No one would even notice the tears sliding down my cheeks. No one would ever care.

He was in my first hour, Chemistry. How ironic. Of course he had to sit RIGHT next to me, as if nothing had happened.  My whole body wanted to explode, probably from a chemical reaction to his stupidity. Why did all this have to happen? I miss him, even every cell in my body hates him.

            Boys have no idea how much they affect girls. Every moment spent with them is a million heart beats. Every word spoken is a promise. Blake didn't understand this. HE didn't think I had emotions. HE only thought about himself. Only things that pleased HIM were important. He didn't care about my long brown hair. He didn't care about my blue eyes. He didn't care about my interests. He just didn't care about me.

            "I love you, Alyssa," Blake said.

            "Do you really?" I replied with doubt.

Looking into the sky I noticed the clouds, at the same moment it started to drizzle. Rain.

            "Yes, of course I love you, Alyssa," his blue eye shone like the smile upon his face, "Why wouldn't I love you?"

            Every muscle in my body tightened. Why would he? What has gotten into him...?

 “I don't know"

            "Exactly" He pulled me towards him, a look of mystery in his eyes. His face pressed up against mine he whispered in my ear "Your Beautiful". His lips pressed up against mine. I believed him.

            DING, DING, DING. I woke with a start. How had I fallen asleep in class? How long was I out? Had anyone noticed? I doubt it. If anyone had noticed, they didn't seem to care. I had THE dream again. Only this time... it had rained. Why did it rain? I gathered my stuff. It was time for me to go home.

            I walked outside the building, rain stilled poured from the sky. Everything was still. The sky had been crying all day. I needed to cry, but the tears just wouldn't come. Buzz, text from Mom.

            Stayed at work. Walk home.

Great. I get to walk in the pouring rain. Mom had done this a lot lately; stayed at work I mean. As I walked the rain started to clear my thoughts, it made my mind new. I'll be okay, I don't need Blake in my life. I started to make a plan, a plan to brake Blake.

            I was two blocks from my house, I had already walked fourteen blocks, when I saw Blake's car coming down the road. I felt like curling up  in a ball, or hiding in the alley. I felt like running. Once again, I felt like crying. I needed to get away. I stopped. Why did I stop? He pulled over beside me. For a moment, we just looked at each other.

            "Want a ride?" The smirk on his face made him look like a small child about to do something they know is naughty. Why did I find it so cute?

            I really wanted to say yes, I wanted thing back the way they were two days ago. "No, its okay. I've only got two blocks to go. Fourteen blocks ago would have been nice. Maybe even TWO DAYS AGO!!" Why did I yell?  I've never yelled, not at him. I never knew yelling could feel so good.

            I just walked away. I didn't stay to listen to his reply. I didn't care how hurt he looked. I just didn't care. I needed to get home, I needed my space. I needed to be alone.

Tears found their way down my face, falling in perfect unison with the rain. Crying felt good, almost like a rebirth of my soul.

            I woke up to the sun shining on my face through the slits in the blinds. Saturday, definitely the best day of the week. I wouldn't have to think about Blake today. I rolled over to look at the clock,  12:50, how had I slept so long?  Time to get up.

            I slowly found my way to the kitchen. Cereal sounded really good right now. I got a bowl out, then grabbed my favorite cereal, Captain Crunch. When I was getting out the milk I noticed the note taped on the fridge.

            Ali,

            I went out. Be back tonight.

            Love, Mom

I'd be spending a Saturday alone, again. It seems like every Saturday goes the same. Mom leaves, I sit around and watch movies; Sad movies, movies where people die, loves are lost. I couldn’t handle watching a lost love movie today… I decided to be adventurous, I was going to tackle the monster, and clean my room today.

            It had been weeks since I cleaned the place. It could probably be mistaken for a dumb yard, garbage and clothes littered the floor. It might take more than one Saturday to complete a job like this. I grabbed a garbage sack from the laundry room, and got to work. I started by sorting through all the garbage on the floor. How long had some of this been here? There are papers from months ago. After about an hour of working, all the garbage was picked up. My strength was washed away, like a mountain side eroding over time. All I wanted to do now was sleep.

            I slowly started picking up clothes and throwing them in the general direction of the closet. I found what used to be my favorite pair of jeans. The pockets were studded with jeweled peace signs. They screamed, cute, expensive, and most of all confident.  Confidence is another one of my down falls. As I picked the pants up a small piece of paper, folded into a small square fell to the floor. What’s this? It was a note. A note from HIM, from Blake.

                                                  My dear Ali,

                        You are the sun to my shine. You make my cloudy days

                  skip the rain, and go straight to sun. Thanks for being beautiful.

                  Please don't ever change. I love you.

                                                            Blake

            The tears came. They had held their ground for two days, unbelievably long. I'm surprised they hadn't come before now. They felt like acid streaming down my face, making a small pool on my carpet. What would mom say if she saw this? She'd probably just laugh. There was no sense in crying yet the tears still came.

            The tears fell from my eyes like the rain fell from the sky, nothing could stop them. Being all alone didn't help. I had no one to call, no one to turn to for help. Blake had been the only thing I could hold to in my life. He was gone now. Gone with the wind, gone like my childhood, gone like death.

            "Ali, I love ... Your blue eyes, almost as much as I love you." Blake's eyes shone with a mysterious look when he spoke these words.

            "I love you, Blake." I meant what I said. Nothing could change the facts.

Rain poured from the sky, sea gulls screeched, it was the perfect moment... The moment I had always dreamed.

            Blake leaned in and kissed my cheek tenderly. Butterflies filled my stomach, it felt as if my body would explode. My feelings were indescribable, something I had never felt before. Love.

            Blake leaned in close and whispered "Can I kiss you?" Without waiting for a reply he kissed me. My real first kiss. The butterflies in my stomach could no longer be tamed. I had never felt like this before. I had a feeling of belonging.

            "ALYSSA!" Mom's call woke me with a start. I was laying on the floor of my bedroom, I don't remember falling asleep. I felt dizzy. Why did I keep having dreams like this? The rain... there was more rain in this one than the last one. What did this all mean?

            "Alyssa. Did you forget about our plans tonight?"

            "No, I just... I didn't mean to fall asleep. I... wait what plans?!" I hoped she didn't sense the terror in my voice. I had forgotten we were going to HIS house for dinner that night.

            "We are going over to the Carter's house for dinner, remember? You were so excited about it last week, I don’t understand how you forgot."

            "I... must have lost track of the day..."

            "Be ready in five minutes."

            If she had noticed the terror in my voice, she didn't let on. She simply walked away. Maybe she didn't care. No one else cared, it wouldn't surprise me if she didn't.

Ugh. Time to face the fact, tonight I'd be going to Blake's house; I looked my refection in the mirror, and there is no way I'd be going looking like this. Mascara streaked down my cheeks, my hair was everywhere. Best of all I had a peace sign printed into my face, thank you favorite pair of jeans!

            What to wear though... My white sun dress? No, its was still raining, its to cold for a dress. What about my favorite jeans... with a long sleeve cardigan? My eyes stung, that was Blake's favorite thing I used to wear. I'd be wearing that tonight. It was my best revenge.

            Slowly I slipped the jeans on, they were cold. They felt foreign. I felt fat in them. They were perfect. The cardigan added to the effect I looked... just the way I used to look. I'm kind of pretty with out all my baggy clothes.

            It was time to go. Fear hidden inside me, I went out to meet my mom in the car. I didn't know what to expect when we got to Blake's house. The ride over there was dead silent. Mom didn't utter a word to me. I was to jittery to talk.

            Tragically, we made it to their house. I didn't speak while his parents welcomed us. It was as if I was in another world. Where was Blake? Maybe, if I was lucky he wouldn't be there.

            I don't have good luck. Blake came out of the kitchen within seconds of my hope. He looked as amazing as ever. His blue eyes were shining brighter than all the stars in the heavens, his angelic blonde hair made the features of his face look even more heavenly. He was perfect, as perfect as I remember.

            "Hello Alyssa." He used that smile... again.

             "I... uh... Hey Blake." I was speechless.

            "Would you like to come out back and meet my dog?"

            He had used it, one of my weaknesses, dogs. I love dogs. "Yeah sure. Why not?"

            His smiled looked as if he had just won the lottery. I hoped he didn't except anything. His dog had better be the cutest dog on earth... or else this couldn't be going to a good direction.

            He led me through the kitchen to the backyard. I followed in silence, even if I had know what to say, I don't think the words would have come. I was fighting back tears. I felt for the rain clouds, it must be hard to hold in the rain.

            Blake took my hand in his hand, as he led me to the back corner of the yard. Butterflies began to fly around in my stomach.

            "Ali. Can I still call you that? "

            "Uh yeah.  I guess you can."

            "Okay, Ali, I don't have a dog. I just wanted to get you alone."

            "I... I knew it."

Thunder clapped sending a thunder of sound through the valley. Rain started to fall from the sky. At first slowly, until it started to pour. Healing Rain.

            "Listen... I love you. I always have." I could see in his eyes that he meant it.

            Before I could utter a word, he leaned in and whispered, "I'm going to kiss you." His lips brushed up against mine. The butterflies in my stomach erupted. I had never felt a feeling quite like this. A feeling of Belonging. A feeling of trust. A feeling of love. At that moment I knew. I knew he meant what he said.

            "Blake, I never thought I would say this, but I love you." Tears streamed down my face.

            It started to rain even harder. I love the rain. Especially the healing rain.